im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
