how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
