I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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