so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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