dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
