Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
