i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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