I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Found the puke drawer
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
