I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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