now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
