If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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