Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
