Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
