Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
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