forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
