today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
