a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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