so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
