put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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