Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
