Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
