I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
