Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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