i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
