Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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