i think i have herpe
just one?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
