well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You're a waste of cheezeits
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
