Only a mothe r could love this liver
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
