so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
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You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
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WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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