Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
