I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
