I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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