i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
