Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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