drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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