just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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