I just saw a hot homeless man
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
