Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
