Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
