11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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