Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
