why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
