woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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