he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize