how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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