like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
