my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
