It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
