i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
