Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
