You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
