im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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