called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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