I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
