My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
