"it" just moved
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
