I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
