i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
