some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
accomplished twins. life is a go
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
