are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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