nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
