Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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