Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
